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Surgeon: Dr. Warden, Ocean Springs, Mississippi
by Mary Y.: I weighed only 6 pounds at birth, and was 21” long. The only time in my life I was tall and thin! (so far), but that soon changed: my mom said I doubled my birth weight in 6 weeks! Is that normal or average? I don’t know, but gaining a whole pound per week for 6 weeks as an infant sounds like a lot to me now. It seemed food was going to be a very big part of my life even from birth. Mom told me about how when I’d finish a bottle, I would throw it and scream for more. Nothing soothed me but more formula. I woke up at night for a long time, wanting another bottle, instead of sleeping all the way thru until morning. I recall sitting at the kitchen table at mealtimes, watching my dad eat. I would try to eat as much as he did. I would eat almost any food, so I guess I wasn’t a picky eater. I think I had the “clean plate” mentality: eat until the plate is totally empty. It’s still a strong compulsion today. I won’t leave even a grain of rice on my plate! I sometimes even “licked” the plate clean. At a buffet, I feel I have to eat some of everything, because I have to get my “money’s worth”. I paid for it, so pig out. When I was a small child, my mom tried to provide healthy meals, and control what I ate. She would hide the peanut butter from me so I wouldn’t sit and eat it out of the jar with a spoon. I still ate a large amount of “healthy” food, and became and stayed chubby, “fat-so”, etc; to my schoolmates. I would eat friends’ leftovers at school lunches. I felt like I could never get enough to eat. I’d even go back to the lunch lady and ask for seconds. My sister warned me that if I didn’t quit doing that, the kids would start calling me “garbage disposal”. When I was in the 6th grade and 11 years old, I went on my first real “diet”: the grapefruit diet. For a week I followed the plan, and I lost about 10 pounds I think I went from 125 pounds to 115 pounds. I was about 5’2” tall, and I was already “developed” and had my period. I felt good about myself and my body for the first time! But my bubble was burst when the boys at school still called me “fat”. I was shocked; after all, I had just lost 10 pounds How could they still think I was fat? When I look at pictures of myself back then, I don’t think I was fat. Just not rail-thin like all the skinny little popular girls. But that summer after the diet, I got a lot of attention from boys, which I didn’t know how to handle. I was sexually harassed and attacked at the public pool, and on the school playground. I guess my new figure with curves in the right places attracted the wrong kind of boys. I was so scared of them that I avoided the public swimming pool for the rest of that summer. In junior high -- 7th and 8th grades—I gained back the weight I lost plus even more. The school lunchroom sold milkshakes and junk food as well as the plate lunches. So I bought the junk food instead of the “real food”. Then in 8th grade, an older boy started to “like” me. I gave him one of my school pictures, and he said I looked like a “teddy bear”. He may have meant it in a cute way, but I was horrified! I decided to starve myself and lose weight. For a whole month, I put only raw carrots and tomato juice in my mouth. But, I lost 25 pounds in 30 days on that awful diet. I looked pretty good to me. However, I didn’t eat carrots or tomato juice again for a very, very looooong time! Those 25 pounds stayed off for about 6 to 9 months. In 9th grade -- high school -- I got a lot of male attention again. That made me feel good. I wasn’t attacked by any of these boys, so I enjoyed their attention. I dated a little, but I wasn’t “allowed” to do stuff like go to movies, or out dancing, so I ended up going out to restaurants and eating for entertainment. That only helped me start gaining back weight. So, in 10th grade, I was too fat for boys again. I hung out with my “girl” friends and we ate and listened to music for fun. I was friends with many other fat or chubby girls. That helped me keep gaining weight, and my mom started arguing with me about my eating. We fought over buying clothes for me. She was always so concerned about the size on the tag that she would try to squeeze me into the next smaller size than what I should have worn. I hated that! I had to wear tight clothes that I didn’t like. She wouldn’t let me get the clothes I really liked and that also fit better. I can still, in my mind’s eye, “see” her looking me over and making a face like she didn’t like what she saw. I felt hurt and very angry! Why couldn’t she just accept and love me as I was? Why wouldn’t she let me wear anything that I liked? She told me I had “bad” taste. Gee, thanks!!! These memories are still so strong and vivid, that they bring tears to my eyes even now. I grew up with no self-confidence. I had to look to others around me to see if they approved of me, so I’d know if I was “ok”. And still yet, when I see my mom, I watch her eyes and face to see if she’s “looking my body over” and if she’s disgusted with me. So, high school was a time of weight gain for me. Every year I got heavier. I tried dieting every now and then, when something new would come out. I joined Weight Watchers, and lost maybe 15 or 20 pounds over a couple of months. But I cheated a lot, and starved right before it was weigh-in day. So when I got tired of that, I just quit. Then my mom and I joined “Elaine Powers” exercise salon for ladies. I went a couple of times per week for about 6-8 weeks and tried calorie-counting along with exercise. I lost a few inches here and there, and a few pounds, but not much really, so I lost interest and quit. Then gained back what I lost plus more, of course. At high school graduation, I weighed about 180 pounds. Then, while I was still living with my parents, before I got married, my mom took me to a place called Millay Clinic. Her friend had gone there to lose weight and she thought maybe it would help me. They gave me at least 8 or 10 kinds of pills to be taken over the course of the day. Bags and bags of pills! I don’t even know what all of them were! I swallowed them all, and went back for more. I’m not sure how many months I did this. But my mom wanted so badly for me to lose weight. She paid for it, so I went. I probably lost 10 or 15 pounds But when they stopped taking me, I just went back to my usual eating patterns. Mom was my food police. When my boyfriend would come to take me out for the evening, she would ask him to not take me out to eat, that I had already had supper. But that was the very first thing we did! Go to a restaurant and stuff ourselves. I must have majorly stretched out my stomach doing that. I could really pack it away. I can still out-eat my husband. I had an office job that I hated, because my supervisor hated me. She was always giving me dirty looks and I would do anything to avoid her. I went down to the vending machines a lot to get away from her, and I really piled on more weight. I got married while I worked there, and within 5 months of my wedding, that woman had made me totally crazy. And the first year of my marriage, I gained about 70 pounds! In September of 1977, I quit that job. I was a nervous wreck and didn’t want to leave my apartment. I cried a lot, and ate even more. I literally outgrew all my clothes and had to buy new stretchy clothes and I hated them. Some time after my wedding, my mom heard about hypnotism for weight loss. She offered to take me to this “doctor” and pay for it. So I went 3 or 4 times to be hypnotized. I sat upright in a chair with my eyes shut, listening to this guy rattle on about how I wouldn’t eat too much food, etc., etc. I never felt like I was in a trance. I couldn’t even relax in that hard, straight chair. But, I hoped that somehow it would work anyway. Too bad, it turned out to be a waste of time and money. When I went to my old family doctor, he’d “tsk tsk” at me being so fat, give me a lecture and a diet booklet, and give me amphetamines and downers without even asking if I wanted to take them! Those pills made me jittery and hyperactive. I talked and talked, at the speed of light and I sweated like crazy. It just dripped off of me. I couldn’t sit still. I was restless and anxious. They about made me crawl out of my skin! I quit taking them and gained back any weight I lost while on them. But every time I would go to this doctor, for any reason but weight loss, he would do this same thing to me. So I gave up and quit going to him. I had to find a different doctor. He made me feel like my mom did. Like as long as I was fat, nothing else mattered. Having a smaller body was #1 priority. I couldn’t take the pressure. I craved acceptance as I was. I needed to feel “ok” about myself just once! I got pregnant in 1979, so I gained more weight. When I tried to have the baby, I was about 265 pounds or more, and my labor was weak and ineffective. I had a c-section after about 12 hours of hard, induced labor. After the surgery, my poor belly just hung there. I now had an “apron”. Ugh! I felt awful! I looked awful! My body would never be the same. I was very depressed about that. And very ashamed that I looked so bad. But after having a baby, I did lose a lot of weight, lots of water that my body was holding. That was it though. I never went below 240 pounds. I felt better, but afraid to do much physically because of the huge vertical incision on my belly. So other than baby care, I didn’t do much. My housekeeping got a lot worse. That made me feel more depressed yet. And the worse I felt, the less I did. A vicious cycle. My life has continued pretty much this way since, through two more pregnancies, one a full-term stillbirth that I still grieve over, and numerous moves. I get heavier every year for the most part. I try a new diet every year or so, that works for a time, losing 10 to 25 pounds, but regaining part or all of the weight plus more eventually. I was at 325 last fall, and lost weight through the holidays and into January 2000; about 25 pounds total. I stayed at 300 (which I hadn’t been that low for 17 years!) for about 3 months, then hurt my back, became more inactive, and gained back that weight and about 12 more pounds. Then I was using my computer, surfing the ‘net, looking for the website for NAAFA, a fat-acceptance support and lobbying group. I found a link for obesityhelp.com and one for an attorney that helped fight discrimination against fat people. That led me to eGroups and duodenalswitch.com and AMOS. I started researching obesity surgery to see what was new. The “old” surgeries I refused to have, as I thought they were awful and failed too much of the time. I refused to have major surgery, just to eventually gain all the lost weight back again. But from what I have read about two of the newer surgeries, they are greatly improved, and weight regain is less common. And side effects are a lot better. That is where I am today: contemplating surgery to save my life. Without it, I will surely die an early death and miss seeing my only grandson grow up, and not have any quality of life for myself before I die. I have many co-morbidities that will eventually do me in if I do not lose a large amount of weight. My co-morbidities include:
As I go forward with my efforts to have weight loss surgery (I want the biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch), I will update my story. For more information on my surgery of choice go to: www.duodenalswitch.com and explore the whole website. There is a wealth of information on the procedure itself, comparisons to other surgeries, and a link to a wonderful support group: duodenalswitch. The members of this list are a mix of post-ops, pre-ops, and others researching weight loss surgery. They have been a very open, caring group, quick to answer questions, and provide encouragement, and give updates on the patients that are currently having the surgery done. I have contacted the office of Dr. Donald Booth in Mississippi, who performs the DS surgery. He is a participating doctor with my medical insurance, and about the closest doc to my St. Louis area that does this procedure. I am going to fax all my medical history and diet history information to his insurance handlers to see if I will be approved for this surgery. After approval, they will set a date for my surgery and pre-op testing. Then I will have to make travel arrangements to fly down to Mississippi to be “switched”. I don’t know if I will go alone or have someone travel with me. But either way, I am determined to do this and change my life forever for the better! 6-29-01: My surgery has been postponed due to my pre-surgical bloodwork showing that I have become anemic. I am currently seeing a hematologist who is working diligently to get my red blood count and hemoglobin back up where it belongs. The surgeon will not operate until this is corrected. Also I am having an upper endoscope done on July 12th, to rule out gastric bleeding as a possible cause of the anemia. I have taken large doses of arthritis meds for a long time, mostly on an empty stomach, so I may have caused myself harm doing so. I have discontinued the meds until we see if that is the culprit. If not, then I will resume taking them, but always with food, and not take any chances of getting an ulcer. Barring any other unforeseen problems, I should get a new date for surgery sometime after July 23rd. Please pray that all goes well from here on out. 7-23-01: the endoscopy showed a perfectly healthy stomach and esophogaus. so no bleeding as the cause for anemia. sounds like it was just a combination of things: hereditary, periods, and who knows. i feel like i should be writing a book, i have so much to tell! but here goes. hope it all fits. *monday july 23, 2001 when all that was done, all i had to do was relax until time to take me to the OR. i remember them wheeling me in to the room and shimmying over onto the operating table: cold, hard, metal, with a place for my feet to rest flat against - like a ledge. i found out later that was because they tilt the table and you are virtually standing for part of the operation. next i knew, i was being shifted back to the gurney. i was done! ( later i found out that surgery lasted from 10:15 am til 2:35 pm. in recovery til 5 pm). but i was only awake for a minute. i don't remember recovery at all. then i next remember being in a bed, on an elevator, and being wheeled to my room. i was so very groggy and out of it. my mom and sister were there, but i barely kept my eyes open. i had a tube down my nose/throat. ick. hard to swallow, dry mouth, sticky tongue. all i could get was a wet cloth to dampen my mouth. no water or ice allowed yet. i was told i talked to my husband on the phone, but i don't remember it. who knows what i said to him. probably not much with a dry throat and the morphine pump going. later that night, the nurse made me get out of bed. there was no way i could go walk the halls. i was so out of it, and tired, no energy at all. she let me just take a couple of shuffling steps, then back into bed. i think i slept pretty good that night, with the head of the bed eleevated, and even with those inflating pressure boots doing their thing every few minutes. the boots keep the circulation flowing in the lower legs to reduce the risk of blood clots. *tues. july 24, 2001, 1 day postop i went out and walked in the hall 3 times that day. i mostly slept when in my room. didn't talk much. *wed. july 25, 2001, 2 days postop *thurs. july 26, 2001, 3 days postop the nurse called the doctor to report, and he ordered blood tests. oh goodie, more needles. *friday, july 27, 2001, 4 days postop the doc said to take out my central line iv because it's not uncommon for it to start causing trouble like fever, etc; my temp just kept rising to top out at 102.5. they even used a different unit to see if it was accurate. i just didn't feel feverish. in fact, i was feeling alot better, especially after the central line was gone. they were going to send the iv to the lab and culture it, to see if it was causing my fevers. *saturday, july 28,2001, 5 days postop OK, finally the iv is in and appears stable. i'm waiting to hear from the doc about any tests they want to do to detect bleeding, and for the blood people to get up to my room with a unit to infuse. blood started at 2 pm. took several hours, so about midnight they'll come back and draw more blood to see if the H and H levels start dropping again. if so, then i get more blood. my JP drain had gone from red to bile green, back to red, then almost stopped. then it started draining what looked to me like a lot of red bloody stuff. maybe that's why i needed the transfusion? but it now has started looking like green bile again. i thought the leak had healed, but now it's going again. i have had fever going up and down repeatedly from a high so far of 102.5 to 99. they've taken more blood to culture, and a urine sample. i think i have a UTI from the catheter. the doc may not run any diagnostic x rays or scans til monday! i wish they'd do it now. i'm scared. at 10 pm i looked at my drain and it's going back to red from green again. good news i hope? *sunday july 29, 2001, 6 days postop another doc came by and said i looked good, nothing critical, but would let dr. warden decide tomorrow whether to release me or re-treat. my temp hit 101 again at about 11 pm. took more nasty liquid tylenol. but it does the job. i'm getting tired of this bed, and lying only on my back. oy! *monday july 30, 2001, 1 week postop my little baby grandson got his first haircut and i missed it! i've been there for all his other "firsts". getting depressed in here. i miss my family. 7:30 am doc warden was just here. he's gonna order some tests - xray w/dye, and cat scan - and try to see what's going on. but even these tests may not show anything. if i get to go home, i guess i'll do it with a drain still in me. then i'll have to empty it myself, and record amt/date/time/color. ick. OR, the may go back in to find what's wrong. i sure hope these tests show what we need to see. so i just went NPO, nothing by mouth, to be ready. i need my zoloft! i have been crying every few minutes about every little thing. 1 pm doc warden came back and was satisfied with test results. xray showed sticky lungs - could contribute to fevers. no leaks showed up. only 5% chance of having to reoperate. *tuesday july 31, 2001, 8 days postop apparently no clot, just a muscle cramp. so back to walking the halls. *wed. aug. 1, 2001, 9 days postop the doc came in and said i'm progressing ok, but with all the draining and swelling in my side (i think one of my lap incisions got infected) and fevers that keep popping up, he wants me to stay til at least monday! sheesh! am i ever gonna get out of here? this is taking so long. but i'd be scared to leave, wondering if i have a "time bomb" in my belly. surely by monday, the swelling and drainage will be greatly improved. i called one of my support group gals to let her know i was still in the hospital. they all thought i went home already! *thurs. aug 2, 2001, 10 days postop had more eggs and grits for breakfast. how boring. i am just biding my time til the meds help my infection. bored out of my mind. am watching of all things the FOOD CHANNEL! lol *friday aug 3, 2001, 11 days postop had a headache. got some tylenol tablets! having a hard time with chewable vitamins and liquid iron. GAG big time. hopeing to get a pill instead. BORED BORED BORED still getting iv anti-b's. seems to be working better now. my belly feels smaller and less hard and swollen. *sat. aug 4, 2001, 12 days postop ARGHHH! my iv gave out again, so they put a new one in the back of my hand. so far, so good. i hope this one lasts for the rest of my treatment. *sunday aug 5, 2001, 13 days postop *monday aug 6, 2001, 14 days postop *tues. aug 7, 2001, 15 days postop i keep getting headaches. i assume it's my sinuses. i just started getting claritin yesterday. but it doesn't have decongestant in it. i may have to ask for some sudafed to stop the headaches. til then, i'm taking tylenol tabs. saw the doc, and he's cutting me loose! my hubby arrived about 3 pm. got dressed and packed and wheeled out by 5 pm. 1st stop - walmart! to fill my RX for anti-b's and get some food and drinks for me for the trip home. on the road by 5:45pm. we're going all the way to jackson, ms before we stop for the night. should get there by about 9 pm. boy am i tired of riding in the car. the only thing that hurts me is my back and my butt! all my incisions are doing great! i wish i could stretch out somehow in the car. but there just isn't enough room. i am taking tylenol every 4 hours to keep the soreness and achy muscles bearable. it felt strange lying almost flat in the motel bed. i had to have help getting up. but the bed felt so good after 2 weeks in that hospital bed! so soft and comfy. used lots of pillows. *wed. aug 8, 2001, 16 days postop
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