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Surgeon:
by Lianne in NC: I'm 38, married to a wonderful guy and have a funny, sweet, loving 9 year old daughter. I think I'm pretty average for my age, except for my weight (my BMI is almost 56, I'm 5'4") and that is why I'm going to have weight loss surgery. Hard for me to believe, as someone who not-so-long-ago was telling a friend of mine that I didn't see the point, when you still have to watch what you eat and exercise after the surgery. What brought me to this change of heart? I bottomed out, plain and simple. Why did I bottom out? Well, it took a couple of things, all together, that led me to it. First of all, I was at my highest weight (at that time) when I went for my annual checkup in December 2002. My doctor usually mentions my weight at this time, but never in a way that makes me feel like crap-- she comes across more as being concerned about my health, not all accusatory and mean. She told me that she saw that my weight was still going up and that she'd like me to consider surgery. I went "ACCCKKK, NO!" in my head. What I told her was that I was afraid of it (not really-- I told her that thinking she'd just drop it, and she did). So, it went into the back of my mind (sorta) for a while. Second, about 2 months ago a friend of mine who is a nurse told me that a former coworker of mine was considering WLS and that she was going to go with her to an information seminar put on by a surgeon. I told her that my doctor had suggested it to me and that I'd be interested in hearing what she thought about it after the seminar. Back it went to the back of my mind. Third, and I think the final blow, was a vacation my husband, Thierry, and I took in April 2003. We went to Fripp Island, SC where my sister and her husband have a house. They let us have it for a week and we had a wonderful time. I did have trouble, though, walking for very long as I've continued to gain weight since my check up and am now at my highest weight ever. I couldn't walk on the beach with Thierry as much as I would have liked, and I couldn't do as much sightseeing as I wanted. Still, it was a great vacation... then we got our vacation pictures back. I was shocked by the pictures of me. I truly had no idea how big I had become until I saw them. I think I have some form of that body dismorphic condition-- at times in my life I've thought of myself as being smaller than I actually am. When I saw those pictures, I was floored (some of them are on this page). I was depressed for several days, to the point where Thierry started asking me if I had stopped taking my Wellbutrin. I hadn't, and I hate to think just how bad I would have felt if I had. I knew I had to do something, so I seriously considered diet and exercise, thinking about what I'd have to do in an effort to motivate myself. It had exactly the opposite effect. In my heart, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it and keep the weight off for very long. That made me even more depressed. I spent a whole weekend crying about it, mostly mad at myself that I've done this to my own body and that I lack the willpower or whatever it takes to lose the weight and keep it off. I cried also because I've started having some minor health issues that I'm sure are related to my weight... I thought about those getting the better of me and me dying before I'm 60, or even 50. I was one miserable girl for over a week. I started praying about it, too... I consider myself a Christian but I'm certainly not particularly outwardly religious, but I do pray a lot as it gives me comfort. One day when I was feeling about as low as I thought I could, I was ready to call my doctor about a different or additional antidepressant. Thinking about that reminded me of my last visit, and I remembered what she said about the weight loss surgery. I was still reluctant to consider it, but I started doing some research on the internet. I was surprised by what I found: hundreds and hundreds of people very much like me, who've fought a lifetime battle with their weight and lost every time... until they had the surgery. I then had what I can only describe as an epiphany. I realized I would never, ever be able to lose the weight and keep if off with diet and exercise alone-- it's never worked for me, because, for whatever reason, I can't maintain the lifestyle I need to maintain to do it. If it makes me a weak person, so be it. It's something I can't or won't change. I then realized that my doctor had realized it too... which is why she'd suggested the surgery. I felt like my eyes had finally been opened to the reality of my situation. I know that the surgery is not an absolute 100% cure in and of itself, but it will make it MUCH easier for me to do the things I have to do to lose the weight and keep it off. I know I'll still have to make changes in my eating and exercise habits, but I've always gotten discouraged at how slow my weight loss has been when I dieted, and exercise is downright painful for me now at this weight. The surgery will help me lose the weight quickly enough that I won't get discouraged, and once the weight starts coming off it will be easier for me to exercise without pain, and to do lots of different activities I can't necessarily do at this weight sooner. I'm aware of the risks involved. Most of them are the risks anyone having any kind of surgery would face-- I remember being warned of most of the same risks just prior to my C-section. With the health problems I've having now, however, and the ones I expect to face in the very near future if I don't get down to a healthier weight soon, I'm a lot more likely to die from those than I am from the surgery. I also know that not everyone having the surgery loses all of their excess weight, and I'm willing to accept that. At this point, I'd be happy if I could get to the weight I was in college (in the 180-200 range). I was very mobile and active then and when I look at pictures now that were taken then, I can't believe I thought I was so huge back then. Of course, those feelings were based more on what the scale told me that how I really felt physically. What a dingaling I was, but I know that most people do the same thing. I've decided that I want the BPD/DS for several reasons. First, it allows a more "normal" lifestyle in terms of eating and diet; since I will still have to cook for my husband and daughter, being able to eat "regular" food will make things easier on them. Second, I like that it has the best record for amount of weight lost and kept off; I feel like if I'm going to go through surgery, I want the absolute best result I can achieve and I think the DS is the way to do that. Finally, I feel like the DS the least likelihood of post-surgical complications (such as strictures, ulcers, etc.). I know that none of the WLS procedures are complication-free, but for me the complications generally attributed to DS (malnutrition, anemia, etc.) can be address with diet, supplements and careful monitoring. I much prefer that to the strong possibility of additional surgery. I've started on the path to weight loss and better health-- this coming week I should receive my surgeon's letter requesting authorization for the surgery, which I will then submit to my insurance company. I've already completed my pre-authorization testing, but I still feel like the biggest hurdle is ahead of me. All I can do at this point is wait and pray that I have been following the right path these last few months. I look forward to joining the others on this site who have taken this same path to success and better health!
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