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Surgeon: Dr. Mustafa Hares, Bloomfield Hills, MI
I don't have to tell anyone about the frustration, sadness and humiliation of living as a morbidly obese person. Sometimes it's depressing, at this point I'm desperate. I was 18 years old, married, and about 140 lbs. At 19 I delivered a beautiful baby girl while only gaining about 18 lbs. Three years later #2 arrives. My weight gain was a whooping 85 lbs. My daughter was a sickly baby, which meant I stayed home a lot. I never did seem to loose those 85 lbs! As the years went by, it seemed I would eat when I was sad, or when I was happy (celebrating). The best reward for any little thing was a trip to Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's, or any other fast-food joint that was handy. Let's not forget the Dairy Queen for dessert! I can remember, when my daughters were 3 and 6 years old, the local Dairy Queen remodeled so that they could stay open all year long. It was a dream come true! Just think, banana splits and hot fudge brownie parfaits at Christmas time. What could be better! But, most of all, I would eat when I was stressed out. I would find myself eating at night, when I was alone. Checking all my hiding places, I would gather my goodies and eat after everyone was sleeping. Many, many nights I spent in front of the television with "Perry Mason" or "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman". If my husband woke, I would make some lame excuse about not being able to sleep (headache, or "I'm just winding down" usually did the trick.) Later I would feel guilty about eating all the treats that I had bought for my kids. It must have been about 20 years ago that I realized that I was approaching 200lbs. I went to Weight Watchers. Started out pretty good! If I remember right, I lost 5 lbs. the first week, 3 the next, then 2 lbs. during the next two weeks-well you get the picture. But, after about 2 months with Weight Watchers, I gained 12 lbs! I never did find out what went wrong. A couple more years went by. My age went up and so did my weight. Before I knew it I was at the 250 mark on the scale. In the mean time I was getting more and more depressed. I started staying home. When my kids started school, I would think of ways to get out of going to school functions. I felt so uncomfortable around people. I thought everyone was staring at me. I would hear children say, "Look at that fat lady." People were always asking me if I was pregnant! I would watch my husband roll on the floor and play with the kids, laughing and having a blast, wishing it was me, knowing that if I got down on the floor, it would be and embarrassing picture trying to get up. Someone was always giving me their advice. Their was always a new "diet" to try out. I got so sick of salads, plain tuna, raw veggies, vitamins, and "eat-once-a-day" diets. I could go on...and on...and on... I heard about Weight Loss Clinic on TV. I thought I'd give them a try. Needless to say, that after about 11 or 12 weeks, I lost 23 lbs and $525.00 (not including gas and oil for my car), driving back and forth every day, to their office closest to my home, which was in the boondocks somewhere,. During the next 4 or so months, after exhausting my financial resources, I gained about 15 lbs. In the meantime every time I looked in the mirror I got more and more disgusted with myself. I mean, come on, where did it come from? I don't even like to eat, like some people do. I would catch myself eating until I didn't feel good. Then I would ask myself why did I do that? A lot of people will say to me "Why can't you just diet? Where's your will power?" It makes me sick! People don't understand that it doesn't have anything to do with will power. But most of them say I'm weak. What they don't know is that I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day and just put them away when I found out I was pregnant for the third time. What do they know about will power? No body's going to tell me about will power! This time I did great. I got lots of exercise. I ate well balanced meals. I must have walked a mile every day. I actually lost weight during this pregnancy. My son was born July 10, 1984. I had just turned 30 years old two days before. I managed to stay status quo, for a while, weighing about 220. Then, 16 months later, son #2 arrived after a weight gain of 80 lbs. All of which I couldn't seem to lose. Then came Oprah! Dear, dear, Oprah. All I seemed to dream about is getting into a pair or those size 10 Calvin Klein blue jeans. When my aunt, god rest her soul, offered to give me the $1,100.00 that it cost to participate in the program. I jumped and ran downtown to the Medical Center (Detroit Receiving Hospital) to join up! I was so excited! (Visions of size 10 CK's were dancing in my head)!!!! Liquid protein was ok, if I mixed it with ice in the blender. The only thing was that it was so boring going downtown, weighing in, listening to lectures, every week! After 12 weeks of fasting, I watched everyone lose while I just, kind of stayed the same. I wouldn't see the same fast results as others, so I would think "What's the use." I tried to convince myself that God wanted me this way. Maybe it was a cross I had to bare for some bad deed I did in my life. I started to believe that I was a bad person. This was my punishment. I should just accept it. I quit dieting. Until....last year....I met Richard Simmons. I would stay up late at night, watching the many testimonials from his clients. I would cry with them. I would cry tears of joy after watching how the weight fell of and they were "new" again. I would watch how Richard loved each and every one of them. I wanted that to be me! I ordered the Food Mover! Well it started out good... those first couple of days. I would slide those little windows down when I was supposed to. The third day, all the windows were closed, but....it was only 1 pm. What was I going to do for the rest of the day? Panic!!! Oh well, Richard will never know. You can probably figure out what happened after that. I found that Food Mover the other day in the bottom of the McDonalds bag that I keep all the extra ketchup packets in. As the years past, the weight stayed. I now weigh about 356lbs. I avoid eye contact with people because I usually see pity or contempt. The bias and discrimination happens on a daily basis. I feel that I'm losing productivity. I can't stand it. It's like I'm wasting away. Inside I feel young and I wish I could do more. More walking...running with the kids at school (work)...rolling in the grass with my grandsons. I would love to take my kids shopping, but I can't walk more than 20 minutes or so without being in pain and having to stop and rest. I used to go to the show with my youngest son, he's 15 now. I'm beginning to have trouble sitting in the seats. And, after sitting for a couple hours, my ankles swell like balloons. I'm missing so much. I work in a school. It kills me to walk with students to their classes. If their class is downstairs, we take the elevator. Students are not allowed in the elevator, unless they are handicapped. When another staff member sees them it's, "Oh, they're with Mrs. Bazzi." The school elevator hasn't seen more use since I've been working there (about 5 years!). I'm and embarrassment to myself! Then there is the issue of sleeping. This is something I don't do much of . What I mean is, I can fall asleep a couple hours then, BOOM! AWAKE! Either my back is killing me, my arms fall asleep (you know, when you get that tingling from not enough circulation.) Or my hips are screaming with pain. Sometimes it's a muscle spasm in my leg and I will have to try to jump out of bed to stand on it. It takes me so long to get out of bed, by the time I do I'm screaming with pain! You want to talk about toss and turn-I invented the term! And don't let me forget....if I was in a deep sleep...of coarse my bladder would sound it's alarm-at leased three times during the night. Most of the time I wouldn't make it across the hall to the bathroom. That's when I discovered "Serenity's" . Boy, they sure save me uncountable embarrassing moments. I would end up taking pain pills to sleep. Then I'm groggy at work. That's when I discovered allergy pills would "wake me up", so I took them in the morning to get me through the day at work. Sometimes at work I'd be flying. WOW! It felt gooood! After a while of that, I told myself "what if I got addicted to this routine?" It scared me, so I quit taking the pain pills at night. So it's been back to tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. I feel like I never get enough deep sleep. It's like I just rest a lot. If I sit down on the couch after work, I pass out. Usually, I wake myself up, quite often as a matter of fact, from snoring or I lose my breath. I haven't had a good nights sleep in years! By the way, I can NEVER lay on the couch because I can't get up without help. Socially, I try to avoid all new situations. Avoid eye contact at all costs. If I don't see them they won't see me! I used to try to convince my self this was true. Recently a co-worker and friend got married. I make an excuse about a doctors appointment so I didn't have to go. If I go to a restaurant I have to have been there before. I have to know in advance if there are tables and chairs available instead of booths, which I can't fit into. My husband goes to weddings alone and he visits his friends alone. I went with him once to visit a friend who had just arrived from overseas. When I sat down on the front room couch, I just knew that I would never get up without help. How embarrassed I was for myself , but more for him. The summer of 1999, I tortured myself, and finally went to the doctor about my weight. I had stopped going to the doctor a few years back because every time I went I would have to get weighed. The scale only went up to 300 lbs. And it was in the hallway in front of everyone to see. Dr. Fadi Fayad told me that there was this new drug called Xanical that he thought would help me. So, I started taking it. Well, I spent half my life in the bathroom with diarrhea. I could never leave the house after I ate because I knew that I would have to run to the bathroom. If I had an appointment and had to be somewhere, I would have to stop taking the Xanical two days before so that I could recover and be able to get through the day. Then I would forget to get back on the pill. It would yo-yo like this for the next 6 months. Needless to say this also was a failure. There are about 4 or 5 people I feel comfortable with and that took a long time. I am starting to feel like a recluse. I don't like the feeling. I have discussed my plans to have weight loss surgery with my friends and family. They are all very supportive and say go for it! I have a close friend at work who couldn't be more like a sister. She says I only have the rest of my life to think about. She is right. I just pray that this is the first step. Needless to say, my life has been a roller coaster, both physically and emotionally, the past 28 years. I'm really tired of feeling like this. I guess you could say I'm at the end of my rope! What I need is some help, a tool I should say that I could use to help me. I think Weight Loss Surgery can be that tool. I understand that WLS is not a cure. I know that this will be hard work. Believe me- I AM PREPARED! These are some of the symptoms I have:
These are a list of the medications I take:
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