How to deal with worrying family members?

[She Hulk]

Hi Everybody,

When I went to see my mom this morning I found her crying. Actually she always seemed to be supportive of the surgery, but now that is is only two weeks away she says she keeps thinking about what will happen if something goes wrong and I am not able to go back to work.
I am a journalist with very stressy 14 hour days and yes, IF something goes wrong so that I would have to stay at home for some months it could be the end of my career as we only get one year contracts in this business.
My mom is already taing care of my grandma and now she is scared that she might have to take care of me too. I just don`t know how to put her at ease because she could be right. So now I am thinking maybe it is selfish of me to go through with this.

What do you think and how did you handle your family members worries?


Best wishes

[PattyL]

Everyone in my immediate family had seen me go from diet to diet, year after year. They knew how unhappy I was with my weight. It was impossible to hide!

I told them if I died, just know I was doing what I had to do to fix my problem. I made the choice and knew the risks. Better to die in surgery than from the diabetic salami surgery or some other horrible comorbidity. I was determined to have a better quality of life.

[Menno]

Make sure your mother underdstands that this surgery will in all probability diminish your health risks, not increase them. On the short term there are of course peri-operative risks (which are not to be minimised, by the way), but in the longer run her chances of not having to take care of you will greatly improve.

[Charmie]

My mom is worried too, to the point of being unsupportive. I have asked her to come along to a support meeting so that she can meet some of the other patients. She thinks i can lose weight with diet and exercise and herbs. I have tried so many things and nothing has ever worked! I have been on a diet for the doctor - he asked me to drop 20 lbs if i could. and i got on the scale today and it\'s a 9lb weight gain. I have no idea what it could be?

Sorry....off topic....Okay so what do you say to help your family understand your misery?

Aimee

[Luna]

My family wasn\'t super supportive, either. Especially with me having a toddler at home, they were all concerned that if I died, they\'d have to pick up the slack.

I was pretty brutal. I told them that I\'d been dieting since I was a preschooler, and had tried everything even remotely safe to take the weight off. My health was deteriorating rapidly, and I had no prospects for my life other than being obese, miserable, and in pain.

I told them if they loved me, and respected me, they would understand that I\'d fully researched my decision and trusted my physician\'s training and skills. Then I asked if they really, really wanted me to suffer for the rest of my shortening life just so they wouldn\'t have to be scared for a couple of weeks.

Basically, I told them that I knew the risks, was confident in my decision, and understood that their fear came from a place of love... but if they wanted to be part of my life, they should get on the train or get left behind.

They got on the train. Haven\'t heard a peep since. They still talk amongst themselves, but their feelings are under their control, not mine.

[GTFO]

Well, Moms right kind of, But if Ma had balls she\'d be Pa...hehe

Like Luna said, its out of love, and you will be fine, and your income is more than likely going to go up, which should probably have already gone up. I\'m telling you right now, there are things that can go wrong, but they can be minimized or almost eliminated by hiring the best cutter insurance or money can buy. The human body is truly a resilient animal, er mammal. We are mammals I think. Whew, it’s been awhile since I used that word in a sentence. Give her big love and your confidence will start to rub off. Good luck and keep posting, the cats on this board got me through and that’s saying something..

Best wishes right back at ya, Ms She (your no hulk) Lady.

[She Hulk]

Thank you all so much for your replies. They helped a lot. And even my mom came around somewhat that evening saying she knows I made a well thought through decision.

Locoman,
I chose the name because I always liked the fact that the she hulk is on the outside as different from other people as can be. But on the inside she is a strong, sensible lady with a lot of humor - well, and she saves the world from time to time (I´d insert a smily here if I knew how). So even if I (hopefully) don`t get green skin out of the surgery, I think she is a good role model. (and slim or fat, I don`t think different is a bad thing)

Thank you all for your help and good wishes!!!

[She Hulk]

O.K. forget about the smiley issue
Nothing like reading the faq section

[GTFO]

Sounds good to me Dear, I did not know there really was a she Hulk! Well, for the reasons you chose, than its a great name indeed! Glad your Mom is feeling better about your decision. Best wishes...